The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
