I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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