Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
