Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
