i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
