was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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