I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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