Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
