is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
