Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
