that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
