i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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