I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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