Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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