last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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