Banned from zoo.
Again?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
