Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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