i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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