i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
