He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
