Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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