we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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