Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
