I'm so fucking centered right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
