I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
