there's paper in my vomit.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
