my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
