I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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