i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
