hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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