whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
