just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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