So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
