i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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