On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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