told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
