I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
