insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
