Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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