Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
