I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
