youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
