I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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