Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
