Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
