I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
