well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
