i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
