You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
