so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
