Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
