i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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