Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
