am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
